The dining room was an ant bed whose tranquility had been changed by a lawn mower.
It had taken a few moments for most of the patrons in the diner to realize what had happened.
An older lady with blue hair had panicked. She tried to hurry down the aisle past the corpse and slipped in the mixture of coffee, vomit and blood. The fall broke her hip and she shrieked loudly.Her cries scared some of the other diners back into hiding.
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Good stuff. I could see the scene happening in my mind, and that's all a good writer can hope to achieve.
ReplyDeleteThanks for stopping by and for commenting. I really appreciate your opinion.
DeleteGraphic stuff! Intriguing six, Chip!
ReplyDeleteThanks, C.C. I was going for several senses in that scene.
DeleteBlunt and brutal imagery here. I especially liked the ant bed metaphor.
ReplyDeleteThanks Monica!
DeleteI like the hook you used for this six. It's an attention grabber. Very well done!
ReplyDeleteThanks, Jess.
DeleteI like the realism injected by your details.
ReplyDelete--Kimberly K. Comeau
Appreciate you stopping by and commenting.
DeleteStop picking on us old ladies!
ReplyDeleteThanks so much for stopping by and for commenting, Miss Bob! :-)
DeleteThat first sentence is killer, no pun intended, lol. Great six!
ReplyDeleteThanks, Vivien, all of my "aunts" loved it, too! LOL
ReplyDeleteoh, this is a prompt I don't know about. I think I could handle six sentenses on a sunday!
ReplyDeleteLove the imagery of the ant hill. This very much sets this scene in the "noir." Nice job.
ReplyDeleteThanks for the comment, Silver. I grew up in a area where ant hills were common in the lawn!
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