Sunday, September 30, 2012

Six Sentence Sunday - September 30, 2012

The following excerpt from The Tourist Killer relates to the aftermath of a shooting in a diner.

The dining room was an ant bed whose tranquility had been changed by a lawn mower.

It had taken a few moments for most of the patrons in the diner to realize what had happened.

An older lady with blue hair had panicked. She tried to hurry down the aisle past the corpse and slipped in the mixture of coffee, vomit and blood. The fall broke her hip and she shrieked loudly.Her cries scared some of the other diners back into hiding.

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17 comments:

  1. Good stuff. I could see the scene happening in my mind, and that's all a good writer can hope to achieve.

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    1. Thanks for stopping by and for commenting. I really appreciate your opinion.

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  2. Graphic stuff! Intriguing six, Chip!

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    1. Thanks, C.C. I was going for several senses in that scene.

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  3. Blunt and brutal imagery here. I especially liked the ant bed metaphor.

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  4. I like the hook you used for this six. It's an attention grabber. Very well done!

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  5. I like the realism injected by your details.
    --Kimberly K. Comeau

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    1. Appreciate you stopping by and commenting.

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  6. Stop picking on us old ladies!

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    1. Thanks so much for stopping by and for commenting, Miss Bob! :-)

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  7. That first sentence is killer, no pun intended, lol. Great six!

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  8. Thanks, Vivien, all of my "aunts" loved it, too! LOL

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  9. oh, this is a prompt I don't know about. I think I could handle six sentenses on a sunday!

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  10. Love the imagery of the ant hill. This very much sets this scene in the "noir." Nice job.

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    1. Thanks for the comment, Silver. I grew up in a area where ant hills were common in the lawn!

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