News
The Presidents Club will be presented twice a week starting this week. Wednesday, March 6 is the big day (Chapter Ten). From now on, readers will get one chapter on Sunday and an additional one on Wednesdays. My weekly blog article on the same site will move to Fridays. Happy reading!
The Set Up
The old men in the Louisville Tavern had sent their youngest member out into the dark to investigate the explosion that had left the bar in darkness. As we join the scene, Franklin York has just returned to the bar.
The Eight Sentences
York was rattled.
He had difficulty finding a bar stool.
The flashlight in his hands betrayed his claim, “I’m alright.”
The beam was a desperate searchlight seeking a target in vain.
The men in the bar were rattled by York’s behavior.
They were all anxious to hear what York had to report about the explosion but didn’t press him.
The silence was unbearable and seconds seemed like hours.
York spoke to Louie in the dark, “Gimme a shot of Jack Daniels -- and another beer.”
And now...
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OK, clearly he's upset, well depicted! I liked the "desperate searchlight seeking a target in vain"! Terrific excerpt1
ReplyDeleteThanks for stopping by Veronica!
DeleteYou always have a great comment and I appreciate them all.
Chip
Oh, Lord! I need to know what happens! :)
ReplyDeleteYou'll find out tomorrow!
DeleteWow, York is rattled for sure. Good way to set that up!
ReplyDeleteAn explosion would be enough to rattle me, but it's clear this isn't usual behavior for York---I'm hooked!
ReplyDeleteThanks for the comment Sarah.
DeleteYou can find the link to all the chapters on my blog.
Happy reading!
I'm anxious to get started on Wednesday. You have a thriller of a thriller going here. Keep the chapters rolling in.
ReplyDeleteExcellent description. I'm shaking right along with him!
ReplyDeleteI can feel the tension in this scene, and am wondering whether he's going to lose it.
ReplyDeleteI'm anxious for his report. You did a great job with this snippet. His emotions are very vivid.
ReplyDeleteThis scene really gets the tension across! Looking forward to finding out what happens next.
ReplyDelete~Joyce Scarbrough
Thanks Joyce,
DeleteYou can find out right here: http://venturegalleries.com/blog/cops-were-everywhere-with-no-witnesses-in-sight-the-presidents-club-chapter-9/
I think another JD and beer will loosen York's tongue, which may cause a scene. I like the tension-building you've done too.
ReplyDeleteUh, oh. What did he see out there? Very nicely written!
ReplyDeleteI can picture the shaking flashlight! Very curious what had York so rattled. Looking forward to the next instalment.
ReplyDeleteThat last line's great--but wouldn't all the bottles be blown up?
ReplyDeleteThe explosion was outside in the alley.
DeleteThanks for your comment!
He's definitely rattled! Lots of tension in this scene.
ReplyDeletewow...great tension-filled setup.
ReplyDeleteBrilliant description of a rattled man. Well done, FC!
ReplyDeleteGreat tension, and I love the personification of the flashlight's beam. Very well done.
ReplyDeleteI liked the flashlight betraying his shaken calm. Nicely done, Frank. :)
ReplyDeleteI'm very curious as to what he saw!
ReplyDelete