Saturday, November 24, 2012

Nov. 25 Six Sentence Sunday


The Setup:
     This week's snippet comes from a WIP, my second novel, The Presidents Club.
Carl Chaisson is the bartender of the Louisville Tavern. This scene occurs several years before he begins work at the tavern. We join him as an incident unfolds that leads to the end of his pre-bartender career.  
     After an emotional outburst witnessed by several co-workers and customers, Carl's boss, Henry, has just asked Carl if he would like to take a break.

The Six Sentences:

Carl turned his head towards Henry with a slow deliberate pace. It seemed like minutes went by before their gazes met. Carl's eyebrows were low over his eyes, his top lip was tight and the bottom one trembled. The corners of his mouth were turned down and his cheeks as red as a branding iron. Carl’s palms were sweaty and his hands were shaking. 
He took a deep breath and spoke as slow as possible, 
in as soft a voice as he could muster, he said, 
“Yes, thank you.”

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
Your visit is appreciated. Please leave a comment with your reaction. 
You can sample the work of over 130 great writers HERE.




22 comments:

  1. Very intriguing! Really makes me want to know more!
    Amy Durham

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks Amy. You won't have to wait too much. This may become serialized at my publisher's website.
      Stay tuned!

      Delete
  2. Cool description of how deliberate that head turn was! I'll certainly stay tuned to hear your news on the serialization! :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks Monique,
      I'm working on promoting "The Tourist Killer," so hopefully we can get TPC going close to the first of the year -- maybe sooner.

      Delete
  3. Now that is strong writing. I could visualize the scene in my head as well as you saw it in yours, and that's what good writing is all about.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks!
      Carl is off to a good start and there's lots about him and The Louisville Tavern in TPC.

      Delete
  4. Nice description! Very tense moment!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. This one was easy to write. Been there, done that.
      Thanks for your comment.

      Delete
  5. Wow, the emotion and tension can be cut with a knife - powerful excerpt!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks Veronica!
      I hope to use that same knife throughout the book.

      Delete
  6. That's a man clinging to self-control. Great tension!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. His greatest fear is loosing it.
      Thanks for the comment!

      Delete
  7. Very visual writing! Thanks for sharing. :)

    ReplyDelete
  8. Great use of description to up the tension! Great six.

    ReplyDelete
  9. Very tense 6! Some good stuff there.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks, C.C.
      Carl morphs into "Louie" the bartender and keeps his control under the bar next to a sawed off shotgun.

      Delete