Saturday, March 30, 2013

Easter weekend sample

The Set Up

           This week, we return to my serial novel, The Presidents Club.  We join a scene from Chapter 18 back in the Louisville Tavern. The guys are discussing an absent member while Louie the bartender has just finished serving a new custome -- a stranger.

The Snippet

Tommy Pritchett was proud of his friend, Abe, “Where is he?”
Louie answered, “He called a couple of hours ago. He was going to stop by and pick up Ron after he got off work at the Holiday Inn. Ron needed a ride today.”
“Ron needs a ride every day,” muttered York.
Fishinghawk took up for Ron, “Sometimes he don’t -- sometimes he walks.”
“Ain’t he in his eighties?” asked the pastor.
“Where is he?” asked Dr. Ridge.
“Can’t you hear? They just said Abe’s bringing him,” York snapped.
“Of course, I can hear!” retorted Ridge. “I’m talking about the new guy, Gregg, or whatever he said his name is.”
They looked at the bar stool where Jerry Gregg had been -- and he was gone.

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  1. Animated dialogue makes the scene vivid and real. I wonder what happened to Gregg, too. ;)

  2. You have a wonderful knack for making a conversation between a group of people come alive. Superbly done.

  3. The elusive Jerry Gregg......Interesting snippet. You have a way with dialogue!

  4. I love your banter. Their personalities ring through. Hmm... I wonder where Gregg is. Nicely done.

  5. Where did Gregg go? I like the multi-dialogue exchange - you know these characters well.

  6. Very strong dialogue. Well done!

  7. The dialog always flows so well and it's so clear these men have known each other forever...and where did the new guy go? Intriguing. Terrific snippet!

  8. Oh so Gregg sneaks out. Hummmm.... spying on the group maybe or up to something else? Good dialogue, very realistic. Another great snippet, Frank.

  9. I'm still loving all the distinct voices. And I'm wondering what New Guy is up to . . . what did he hear?

  10. The plot thickens - who's the new guy and why did he take off so quick? Intriguing snippet, Frank. :)

  11. These guys are fun. The bickering/bantering is very well balanced. Wonder where the new guy went. Bathroom maybe?

  12. That's quite a crowd conversing, I can see how nobody noticed the guy get up and leave.